have you ever...

have you ever wanted something to happen or come true, and then when the moment actually arrives you feel lost and disheartened? i suddenly feel lost, and it seems that the issues i had before this moment came true weren't really issues. were they, or am i just telling myself to ignore them because i feel suddenly lost? have you ever felt regretful for deciding that the grass is greener on the other side? perhaps the grass really is greener on the other side, and i'm just too afraid to ignore that warning sign to step on the grass. what am i so afraid of? am i afraid of change? am i really afraid of stepping onto the unknown? or am i just afraid to let go? so many feelings...

my gramps is back in the hospital, and last night i went to visit nanna for the first time since her passing. i talked to her for an hour. maybe i was looking for answers, or maybe i was just looking for an honest soul to listen to my problems. like i said above, i feel lost, and now with gramps back in the hospital everything seems to tangle itself further.

currently listening to: elton john - i want love